a cast-off wasted monument

1998

I finally realised that i
       was wasting all my time
beseeching and emploring you
       to understand my mind
for you don't care you've had your fun
       and i'm a consequence
and though my life has been destroyed
       i have no sound defence
for you have made of me a lamb
       a sacrificial fool
a cast-off wasted monument
       to men who are but tools
for each and every wanton slut
       who's fickle short-term lust
has made of us a piece of meat
       and turned our hearts to dust

Dry Well

1998

i look up from my deep pit of depression
and see the brightness of the world
inviting but unreachable

In the darkness of my despair
i shake with the cold of my loneliness

a scream for help echoes up the walls of my pain
but disappears like a puff of smoke
into the uncaring brightness above

i am not so foolish as to expect a savior
i have examined my suffering walls well
i know every flaw and possible hold

i have tried many times to make my way out
but always i fall back
to my harsh rocks of solitude
where only an eternity of crying
offers hope of escape

I woke with you

1998

I lay dozing in my tiny hotel room
slowly awakening with you behind
clutching me asleep.
At peace and happy i reached to touch the hand on my chest
then i awoke, for you were not there.
I sat for a while, lost, alone
the urge to be with people took me
and i fled my lonely room
taking refuge at a burger king table.
I ate, drank, smoked
and looked at the women
then the tears came and I fled again
back to my empty room
and my pen.

where now is my fire?

1998

where now is my fire?
all that seems left is a husk, blackened, twisted
my words clipped, stilted, boring
my thoughts, even of you, tired
i long for the power of passion
that thrusts my whole being to the peak of its ability
but all i have is this limited intellect
crushingly boring

sometimes i wake

1998

sometimes i wake so sure you called my name
then later, lucid
acceptence and denial struggle out a truce
of maybe's

again i hear your words and see your face
again i feel our pain
i miss your lovely words
like soft rain upon my back
the constant simple praise
that calmed my tortured soul

i'll pretend that it is so

A Dedication

1998


all that i write
is all that i am
and all i will be
and all that i plan

and right at the core
of all that is me
is a child of the waves
for she set me free

so these poems are hers
i relinquish all claim
and as long as i live
it's her you should blame

:~)

Come Death

1998

come death
come quick
let me pass
give me your tick
i've nothing here
take me away
she is gone
take me i pray

Heaven and Hell

1998

from bottom to top
i've walked the path
and back again
but that's not half
i've been to heaven
now to hell
and here i fear
is where i'll dwell

I threw bread upon the water

1998

I went to the river
and threw bread upon the water
and my dumb dog
dragged it back sodden
and dropped it in my lap

then he shook himself dry
all over my self-contempt
and grinned his dumb grin
as if to say
"it could be worse"

true love lost

1998

There was really only you and I but then the others came
with stars and cards and even friends to douse our vital flame
and though with honour we did walk and truth was in our hearts
it fell in ruin and we are lost and forever now apart

I guess that i am most to blame for patience have i none
and though i tried to quell my heart our love was all undone
now all alone to walk this earth with nowhere i can rest
for you to me are lost it seems and i have failed the test

I'll wait and maybe time will break the bonds that hold you fast
and on some distant future day we'll make another start
On that fine day a call will come or letter in the mail
that all my life i will expect for true love never fails

Again will you and i be one as we were meant to be
and from that day forever more our love will be set free
So love me yet and don't forget what we together shared
for it was ours and ours alone and we were rightly paired

So love me yet and don't forget what we together share
for it is ours and ours alone and I hope you still care